Stay Single As Long As You Can. Comedian Kabir Singh

Stay single as long as you can, at least thats the advice Kabir Singh will give you!

Video Script:: 

do you have any single people here any single ladies in the house are you single no doing every single lady's single ladies announce any single ladies gotta have one one over there what's your name young lady Ariel well that's part of it hi you're dating a fish no no she's a person everybody calm down all right her name's Ariel Ariel what do you look for in a guy first thing I look for in a guy Ariel you should how are you still single I don't everybody here has something I'm believing that's good they'll stay single it's nice yeah right you don't need them right do I have any single guys here any single guys single gentlemen anybody what did some guys have single right here single what's your name buddy you're Jake shocking you look like a Jake if I were to guess does this guy not look like the Wikipedia version of Jake if there was ever a chink it would be you guy looks like the Boise State quarterback over here Jake over here just catch the ball please Jake what do you look for in a young lady Jake kind no you're a liar Jake you don't look for kindness Jake [Music] I found somebody with nothing I found somebody Jake's over here he's got nothing aerial right here found Jake let me know if you if you want to go hiking or something Jake's over there our exacts I want nothing I want you to show up with nothing Jake stay single bro its way easier man are you guys dating over here dating married oh could you imagine other guys married for 12 years how do you guys mean to friends white people stuff alright no big deal only white people our friends by the way nobody else have a girlfriend now it's awful we got for four years we hate each other she will say the meanest stuff to me but I can't break up with her cuz I'm not going back to the gym they're running in there Jake [Music] my girlfriend and I we just went on vacation together we got in this huge fight in the hotel room and she won a level three flip out ladies you know what that is yelling crying throwing stuff in the hotel room she's not threatening me she's like I'm gonna jump out the window she's like I'm gonna jump out the window cuz the way you make me feel I hate you I was like oh snap I panicked I run downstairs to wake up the manager I'm like hey man wake up be my girlfriend it's got this huge fight he's like that's not my problem but the look man I think you get a chance to jump out the window she's going nuts I need your help he said that's not my problem I was like it is your problem the window is stuck this is my only way out sir just go up there we both decided to have a Hall Pass I didn't guys know what a hall passes but somebody doesn't know in the hall passes we're both allowed to pick one person that will allow to hook up with if we ever get the opportunity to meet usually a celebrity and the other person can't get mad at them so my girlfriend picked the the actor from Aquaman J I don't I did I asked for his name I don't like him I looked him up very very handsome and that saw his girlfriend and she was super hot I was like good luck with that I don't think it's happening MJ's number do you want to call Jake are you kind because that's not the kind answer she's like whatever jerk who's your hall passes like my hall passes Elizabeth from Applebee's I'm not gonna waste my hall pass that would be stupid she's right over there I know a schedule like the back of my hand good luck deep-sea diving for this dude got aerial while you're down there [Applause] [Music] I have to keep my girlfriend because I'll never find another girlfriend I'm terrible at dates I was trying to see funny stiff all funny stuff all the time I have no filter like I remember the last day those honest is this woman she started opening up right like not in a good way emotionally in a very unkind way [Music] she's like you know when I was eight years old my dad went out to get hamburgers for the whole family never came back and I was like oh my those must have been some amazing hamburgers do you remember where he went I want some did he help it we should find your father could you imagine a hamburger so good where you just leave your family do you think one bite I'm not going back I won't go back he's got to go back what about your kids my parents want me to get an arranged marriage yeah for something guys that don't know what an arranged marriage is that's in my culture where a guy's dad will call the girl's parents and just get them married with that even meeting I thought that was an awful idea until I saw my cousin's wife she is super hot my cousin looks like something out of Narnia I saw them together I was like sign me up dude like what arranged no cold bait America right think about how cool be single guys think about it you're the club you have that hottest girl in the club you're like hey baby you want to dance she's like ah no then you could say ah well too bad my dad talked to your dad and guess what we're dancing I'm kind don't try that