Married Men Think Differently Than Single Men. Comedian Jim Colliton

Married mean think differently than single men, if that makes you upset, take it up with Jim Colliton.

Video Script:: 

nice to be here a married man we have some married people here what good for you I've been married 23 years and it's still good it's just very very different now like when I first got bad my wife to say things like this my love when you lie right next to me and we're sleeping I can feel your heartbeat that was twenty two and a half years ago the other night she turned in she goes can you roll over you're breathing right on top of me it's disgusting it's hot it's going on my neck and it feels gross who sleeps with their mouth that wide open it's gross shut your mouth while you're sleeping use your nose we've talked about this haven't we use your nose how are you gonna feel my heartbeat if I roll over I could care less just roll over I could pass away in the night you wouldn't even know about it I live with myself from over actually go brush your teeth then roll over and put some socks on to it I want your feet touching me anymore either they're gross your nails are cutting me it's disgusting brush your teeth cut your nails you know what you can stay downstairs - I don't even need you back up here let's both get a good night's sleep tonight it's just it's just a little different that's all I uh my wife doesn't even get mad though after 23 years she would rather have these little saying she likes to use to new favorites saying did you mean to do that did you mean to put the clothes in the dryer and then not turn it on yes I did I left to let the clothes sit in there for a couple days get him good molding then the kids can wear them to school no one's gonna want to hang out with them with moldy clothes and they won't bring all the kids back to our house and eat all the food so yes they get mean to do that driving in the car last Valentine's Day had the radio on and people were calling in and they were seeing the special things that their spouses do to keep their marriage going one lady from down south called is goes well some nights and cold nights my husband will put my pajamas in the dryer and then warm them up for me I threw up in my mouth I couldn't even comprehend that my bad Mans bright my wife's ever wandering a fam I'm on a cold night can you what did you say to me and the microwave yeah I can do it I don't think it's something you hey did you know that Drybar comedy has its own app download it right now and you can watch my whole special