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5 Expert Tips No Parent Should Miss | Motivational Speech | Goalcast

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Added by Mel in Variety


✪Do you want to improve the relationship you have with your kids? We have compiled the best advice for parents in the following 5 speeches by experts that will help you during these tough times not only to improve your relationship with them but to provide them with a better emotional future.





Video Script:: 

[Music] as you've just heard my wife and I are the parents of six children if you look closely at the screen you'll also note something interesting about my family and that is that my six children are all daughters well this is Chanel with a couple of her friends in our kitchen goofing off and Chanel's just turned 17 I was driving to work with her and I could tell as she drove that she was not happy it might have been the way that she revved through the six gears on her way to top speed in the sixties own and and and she just wasn't happy and I commented I said she know you seem like you're unhappy and she rolled her eyes and I said I get a sense that you're unhappy with me and she said yes dad I am and I said I'm so glad that you've told me that could you tell me why she said well sure today I found out that two weeks ago all of my friends had a party and I didn't invite me and Ally just found out about it today and when I asked them why they didn't invite me they said well because it was the kind of party that dr. Justin Colson wouldn't have approved of and for those of you for whom the penny didn't drop I'm dr. Justin Colson and straight away I felt so bad for her I thought oh my goodness my my parenting is causing my daughter to be ostracized and isolated and to feel horrible and to miss out on opportunities to be with their friends but do I wanted to have those opportunities and I looked at her and I said you know if they didn't invite you to a party that I wouldn't approve of it sounds like there probably were a few things going on that are not consistent with our values was there alcohol being consumed and potentially misused she said yes I said were there other drugs being consumed and potentially misused she said almost certainly I said were people disappearing into rooms for intimate encounters that they may or may not regret the next day she said possibly I said well I'm really glad you weren't there and so I said do we need to revisit the rules she looked at me said dad I know why we have the rules I've been part of the conversations remember okay I said I want to ask you a tough question you're nearly an adult you're a year and a bit of being an adult now I think these are good rules but do we need to rethink the rules and then I waited in my heart pounded and eventually she said dad I don't like the rules and my heart stopped and I said and I started to think of how to respond and as I was thinking she jumped in and added something else for me she said right now dad I don't like the rules one little bit but they could rules I think we should keep them this is the kind of line that every parent dreams of hearing from their kids the heavens open and the angels started singing and I just wanted a hug heroes yes if you paint attention to the story you don't get it by saying or damn it they're good rules and I expect that you will keep them that's part of being in this family that's called control and that's not how we get to this point instead we get it through this thing called autonomy force creates resistance but great relationships build autonomy which allows us to leverage trust which builds massive influence thank you [Music] this is the greatest lesson for parents no one really truly loves anyone everyone loves conditionally most love is conditioned control based and fear based it's all about the self so we live off prescriptive checklists and believe that if we don't follow that checklist then we are somehow lesser than and when we do this with a child who's come into this world with a throbbing spirit desirous of kind of figuring it out and we've kind of already ruined that chance by you know here's the checklist this is what I believe is success and failure and beauty and achievement and now follow my way or you're already an outcast in my eyes this immediate placement of a way to be obscures the ability for the child to develop their way and you will see most parents do not accept their children for who it as they are because they're not good enough or great enough or fabulous enough or not some accolade enough not a degree enough and then the I show parents that the reason they can't do this accept their child unequivocally for who it as they are is because they haven't accepted themselves for who it is they're the the main battle is my child is not who I thought my child would be either not a superstar soccer player fantastic fairness or obedient genuflecting little servant you know most parents who are raised on a diet of overachievement on doing I have a very hard time understanding that their drive is not organic necessarily but coming out of their inadequacy their fear their lack they've just been indoctrinated to compensate for this and they've never fully healed from their encountering their ordinariness and so when I say that that's what's driving you and then they get in touch with their little boy or little girl who truly felt ordinary and not good enough in that ordinariness that's when the epiphany occurs so then I make them see how it's now being projected onto the don't do this to your child your child is okay and holding the ordinate ordinariness the child doesn't need more to feel more of themselves they didn't come with this egoic desire to attach to phd's or labels or judgments or wealth to feel themselves children feel themselves just by who it as they are they are thus they have the simplest access to wholeness we rob them of this to truly love someone it's truly loving the other for who it is they are with no you in the picture they don't have to love you back they don't have to need you they don't have to agree with you they don't have to adhere to you now try loving your child for who it is they are [Music] kids are born scientists they're always turning over rocks and plucking petals off of flowers they're always doing things that by and large are destructive and that's what exploration kind of is if you you take stuff apart whether or not you know how to put it back together this is what kids do a an adult scientist is a kid who never grew up that's what an adult scientist does so what happens at home is the kid reaches in the refrigerator pulls out an egg and starts juggling it what's the first thing you do as a parent stop playing with the egg it could break put it back excuse me this is an experiment in the material strength let the kid find out that when it drops it breaks that's that this this is a physics experiment rapidly turned into a biology experiment okay the yoke uses a hey that becomes a cheeky one day okay wait how does this gooliope become a chicken well that's biology check that out and what are the eight costed the twenty cents president of Harvard once said if you think education is expensive you should try the cost of ignorance so we don't have enough parents who understand or know how to value the inquisitive nature of their own kids because they want to keep border in their household kids go in into the kitchen and pull out all the pots and pans and start banging on them what's the first thing you say is a parent stop making all that noise stop the racket you're getting the pots and pans dirty you just squashed an entire experiment in acoustics so I'm not worried about kids people say what can I do to get my kids interested in science they're already interested in science you're the one who's the problem almost my entire professional energy is focused on adults because they outnumber kids they vote they've run the world they wield opportunities kids will be fun [Music] children up into the age of four are operating at the genus level the same group of children were studying in their early 20s and only 10% we're still operating at the genus or what I call the brilliance level and in their late twenties early thirties only 2% we're still operating at the genius of brilliance level so the question half like I had its wait at this genius a brilliant Schoen go anywhere but it became buried by society that says color within the lines sit down give it back you can't do this by the time a child is 17 years of age they have heard no one hundred and fifty thousand times and only yes five thousand times and the more you continue to hear what you can't do where you can't go and who you can't become there is a neurological path that is created in the brain that causes individuals to shut down I have gone through a divorce within the last year and my two children Daniel and Madison they are now my greatest joys Madison came into my office not too long ago and she said hey daddy what's going on say hey baby girl how are you and and I was preparing to go on a trip out of town and I was busy scurrying around I was not totally focused on her and she says to me daddy I see her busy I'll just come back later and I say okay baby girl in the end and I get on the plane later on and it hit me that I missed the moment for spending that quality time with my baby girl because I was emotionally clueless and emotionally unavailable because I was so busy trying to make so much money that my latter was against the wrong wall and their mother said to me you give everybody the best of you but you give us the rest of you and I don't want the leftovers anymore and what I recognized I was modeling something for Daniel and Madison that you got a go after you got to get all this stuff and I had the house but I lost the home I had success but I had no significance I had power but I had no purpose and I had money but I had no meaning and what I discovered if I continue to model that behavior for my baby girl that she would marry a joker like me who ignored her like her dad did so what I recognized is that I had to move from hearing Madison to listening to Madison because the same letter said spell the word listen spell the word silent and when I have that time with my baby girl I'm dialing in how are you and I'm not only something for her brother as to how he's supposed to treat a woman women don't need us to fix anything they just wanna know are we emotionally available and emotionally dialed in to know where they are when it is time for you to make a u-turn and shift into your brilliance we will have to come to a place where we're willing to do the work it's not who you are that holds you back from brilliant success it's who you think you're not that holds you back and sometimes we focus on who we think we're not instead of who we are so now now but to pain I'm learning that relationships are more important than money [Music] no now what's happening with the so-called teenagers you got used to your child as a helpless creature now he was finding his own feet you don't like it you want to condense him so children when they come when they're helpless and for everything they look up to you you think your children are magical because the helpless suppose the baby popped out of you and stood up and said hey who the hell are you [Applause] you won't like this baby but he takes 14 15 years to ask that question [Applause] in fact that is all a teenager is asking okay who the hell are you so if you want to be somebody to that new fresh life which has come you must not have defined boundaries of who you are like when the child was infant when it crawled you crawled with him now your teenager wants to swing you must be able to swing with him no you still wants to crawl with him he's not interested he's beginning us parents are looking ridiculous in the eyes of adolescents you children are growing up it should be a joyful moment yes they become teenagers means they're growing rapidly yes or in other words unfortunately the beginning to become like you know Satguru that is not the problem the beginning to become something different they don't even look like my children anymore drop this damn thing that your child belongs to you if you think this child belongs to you when he's just becoming coming into teens he's telling you goddamnit I don't belong to you that's all he's trying to tell you which you're not able to digest another life does not belong to you if another life has chosen to be with you please cherish that such an understand


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