Rodney Dangerfield Is On Fire, On The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 08/30/1977

Rodney Dangerfield Is On Fire, On The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson Airdate: 08/30/1977 #johnnycarson #rodneydangerfield #thetonightshow

Video Script:: 

my next guest loves to perform recall because he loves audiences he has his own nightclub in New York City called appropriately Dangerfield he doesn't get any respect there he is currently appearing at the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas where he gets no respect he keeps coming back here and we are keeping the thing going he gets no respect here either would you welcome mr. Rodney Dangerfield [Applause] and I tell you I can use a good crowd you know I mean hope you forget Las Vegas I'm going broke over there I mean Vegas you gotta go bro they got slot machines although even in supermarkets how about a dozen eggs cost me four and forty two dollars I'll tell you I'm never lucky at gambling you know I was in a game show I want a 20 day cruise never you to triangle I tell you I mean nothing works out you know I'm still heavy I can't lose any weight now last week I went nuts I tried the rice diet between meals kept folding my shirts and my doctor he don't help either he told me to run five miles a day for two weeks I called him up I said doc I'm 70 miles from my house one of doctor well one time I saw they gave me sleeping pills he told me to take him whenever I wake up and I saw my dentist - another Beauty I said - I'm doc look at my teeth they're all getting yellow he told me to wear a brown necktie I [Applause] tell you I meet the wrong people that's my trouble like last week I met the Surgeon General he offered me a cigarette I'd say I'll tell you last suka a rough week to me last week I saw my kid in the milkman going to a father and son did it I tell you my own house I can't relax I got no sex life 10 years ago my wife put me on hold what a sex life with a dog he's watching me in a bedroom want to learn how to beg my dog that's another one he taught my wife to roll over and play dead I tell you I never had any luck with animals either you know when I was a kid in my sandbox the cat kept covering me up and I tell you when I was a kid I got no respect at all you know they always made me take the family picture and that way I wouldn't be in it my old man he didn't help me they kept taking me to the zoo he said he was hoping my real parents would claim me it's the same thing today I don't get no respect from anyone well Carl Morton stole my traveler's checks I'll tell you I can't take it no more I find out the one who's my family make a sequel to roots they wanna call it fertilizes these people are clear thank you for your business is exciting isn't it it's a rim shot your whole life is one big topic on is okay everything's going well they a good show the girls sink is great with me Joey English very good senior - yeah and and Dangerfield's okay David fries there everything is fine in fact right now I'm looking forward to a very exciting new venture uh-huh what's not definitely as she just moved to my building I did know that now that glass we got an offer to work another hotel in Las Vegas another one yeah Circus Circus oh there's a bad dealer I got to bring my own net you know it's well it's always a pleasure to be here I mean people are nice so you treat me right you know under another talk show I got no respect at all and it was my turn to sit down I wouldn't move over I get some rough days Johnny rough day somedays I start drinking early I tell you about oh boy the other night in Las Vegas today I got loaded on what I'm doing I played dice almost a thousand bucks I got even though I stole four hundred sweet and lows I'm a drinkin's bad Johnny I gotta watch my health that's what's important health Johnny's everything health I mean I'm getting old I'm gonna kid anymore I know I'm getting old on Vegas I played a slot machine three prunes came up I can't get girls anymore you kiddin Jeff I know at my age you become a hooky you got older it's tough to get girls - best need to be as bisexual then you got a shot at everybody I'm in bad shape bad yeah drink and eat and took Tara with me yeah and well the other day I had a fight with a midget he put me out of commission Wow he ran through my legs throwing punches [Applause] like not easy not easy you can't trust doctors either they're all mixed up you think so my proctologist used to be a photographer yeah he took x-rays told me to bend over and say cheese [Applause] now but my friend dr. vinny boombots mixed up at all he knows what he's doing every minute oh he's busy busy riding riding he doing some new book just came out of big book Johnny love story that's doing all about a girl who had a wild romance with an architect what - come on the book is entitled she fell in love with his high-rise 2deep 2deep anyway now I love his importance only blind dates you know good old blind dates in trouble in landing oh I had one blind date the girl showed up she had pigtails under her arm there's a lot of sexy girls around here oh I'm in a sexy girl a few weeks ago worked in a restaurant making hamburgers she told me she could make a big boy in three minutes and a boy big in two minutes [Applause] now you can't believe him you can't put that question I was with one girl she said I don't do this normally I said it sir I've been a little weird myself you gotta have the right woman boy that's the end all right you make love to the right woman Johnny it's beautiful beautiful I mean the last time I made love to my wife it was ridiculous nothing was happening I looked right so what's the matter can't you think of anyone either headed up to here yeah well it's nice to know things are going just well really as mixed up as over yeah boys good to see it there's always a pleasure to be here you're gonna stay out in California for a while and you go right back I go right back I got a lift in a pickup truck back to the airport then I go right back and I work tonight do a show there tonight - yeah I'm working there tonight I plan to go back there and see what happens yeah what's why you didn't see you pleasure to be here okay nighttime here always nice to end on a low note we'll be right back after this [Applause]