Women Want You to Wax Your Chest Hair. Comedian Jeff Allen

Women Want You To Wax Your Chest Hair, but don't do it, listen to Jeff Allen first.

Video Script:: 

my father used to give my brother and I food my sisters didn't have to eat he called it man food it was sardines in a can he said I might eat this he said it'll put hair on your chest I'm 8 years old and a good thing he said every man wants hair on his chest boy really yeah who knew in the 21st century all the men would be wax and all the hair off their child I want to meet the first man that ripped the hair out of his chest I really do cuz I'm gonna punch him right in the face in a Christian loving way Tammy says to me about a year ago she goes I want you to look into the waxing thing that's what she said sir how much should look into the waxing thing I honored my wife I looked into the waxing thing came back and told her get used to the pelt it's not going anywhere are you kidding me if we lost our minds as a culture we spent billions of dollars to have somebody ripped the hair out of our body by the root that hurts but we won't let our federal government drip water on the faces of terrorists [Applause] I think the CIA B's to open up some spies around the world you know Achmed before we send you back to the battlefield as part of the new Western civilization catch and release program you're in luck the US government's gonna clean you up today my man both 72 maidens you're dying to lay with in the next life they don't wanna lay next to a throw rug so get into van my hearse to a little friend we're going to the ball it's just a thought so full disclosure I got waxed [Music] tami kept pushing it pushing it pushes she finally said the magic words she said I think it would be sexy on you look at my wife and I've been married 33 years sexy is not a word often used in our our idea of sexting is we send pictures of desserts to each other on our cellphones I'll get it back from her then a six layered carrot cake so I don't care what it is if my wife said to me your face tattoo would be sexy I'm getting it done that's all I'm saying [Applause] [Music] there are three billion women that inhabit planet Earth I only care if one of those women thinks I'm sexy that's it huh so I made a decision when she leaves town I was gonna surprise her I said I'm gonna get way I got onto Google I looked up the waxy people found me gel its meat gel don't make the mistake of calling her Michel apparently I hit a sore spot so meat gel gets me all ready to go well have enough got a piece of tape there she says you're ready I said yeah you know she goes I've never had that happen I tried to scream and nothing came out I got a finger there were dogs two blocks away gun sounds like another man's getting a wax job [Music] with me child and are so bad I'm telling him I and she starts to put another piece of tape on me and I can't get up tamping out like a restaurant let me find my voice I said no get away from me you sick woman don't touch me [Music] that's what I wanted to say when I couldn't say I was gonna quit I really was I was gonna leave and I looked in the mirror and I had this weights trim and looking at your name tag with no name on it it was just and all these weeds around it so you're locked in I couldn't stop anyways just says I can take my time I go don't take it just get it over with just cleans me up I look in the mirror I was thinking sir I was peeing it was raw pee I looked like a flabby piece of brazuca bubblegum and all I can think of as she fakes it sexy okay well coming for taste but I'm all-in so the next day she came home from the road and I went on a surprise her so I went in the bathroom put on some shorts I took off my shirt standing there shorts no shirt trying to get her to notice while we're a converse thing [Music] she looks at me she says are you having a stroke no she goes what'd you do I said I got waxed that's a reaction I was looking for what Zeus she goes Oh put a shirt on is creeping me out she goes you look like Patrick from SpongeBob the things you do to honor your wife sir [Music] hey everybody did you know that drive our comedy had their own app everybody has an app but not like this one you can get it right now on your phone and watch my entire special how cool is that