When Your Wife Goes On A Diet. Comedian Jeff Allen

When you wife goes on a diet, it is basically the worst thing in the world, just ask Jeff Allen.

Video Script:: 

the Timmy's dieting now that means I'm dieting that's the rules cuz I'm a nice to honor your wife that she wants to die and I'm dieting she's on keto now we've tried paleo we've tried Atkins now we're on keto so what's gonna keep ptosis that's fine with me I got cookies in my office in the basement now I was handing out cookies to my grandchildren one day one of you will betray me my grandson is it me Papa is it me those cruise off your lips [Music] so I'm unpacking the groceries after the big kedo by Tammy went out and bought a bunch of groceries for Kido and I'm on pack and I'm gonna come across rice cakes never had a rice cake in our home don't know what a rice cake is never eaten one all I see is the word cake and I call her out on it I go baby I thought cake was a no-no with dakedo and she says no that's for our cheat day apparently on Tito you get to cheat one day awake cool is that so a few days went by and I'm ready for my cheat day and I remember sir we have cake I ran to the pantry I'm pulling out I pull the cake out rice cake out of the package I'm feeling it there it kind of feels like a brake pad you know [Music] but it's cake how bad could it be oh I took a bite and never made it to my throat said baby these are stale she says no that's the way they are I go then this isn't cake it's caulk it's not food its insulation who are these people kidding and through the rest of them to our three dogs that go you eat these things and our dog scarfed him right up hour later went my front yard and past the thermos got a yard full of yetis out there I'm telling I can't keep up with the food anymore anyway GMO and non-gmo you know we had food did we sir we had food that's what we've grown up food and you ate it because kids were starving in China that's all you know yeah does a kid in shyness starve and walls dr. ting my food [Music] now it's GMO non-gmo organic non organic gluten gluten free can't kale I never saw kale in my life until Tami went on keto now it's ubiquitous it's all over my house you can't put enough ranch dressing on kale to make it taste good oh and then one night she makes kale chips you know what kale chips are sir it's kale leaves on a cookie sheet burned in the oven at 400 degrees they since he pulls out this smoldering heap of weeds she trusts him on my plate I know what are they she said kale chips I go it's a brushfire soon I tried to give him to my dog my dog goes no way man my dog my dog eats the cat litter what does that time hey everybody did you know that Drybar comedy had their own app everybody has an app but not like this one you can get it right now on your phone and watch my entire special how cool is that