Jeanne Robertson | Special Delivery to Cowpens

Jeanne tells a very funny story about a cab driver who took a very unusual passenger to Cowpens, S.C.

Video Script:: 

now there is one thing that I I'm gonna share with y'all tonight because it's worked for me for years and I think it'll work for you so this is what I do and I think it works for everybody in my life and yours too there's some dead time where you just just for example you're getting a cab you got to go downtown there you are you know it's down a daytime you can talk on your phone but I chose years ago to think what if this is an interesting person everybody's a little bit interesting and so I have to have three little questions that I try and I work on and they seem to work well when I get in a cab I will say to someone how long you been driving the cab just opening the conversation and they will always tell you and it could also be sometime how long you've been working at the restaurant how long you been checking people into the hotel and if their people aren't behind you folks talk to you and I'll say this then I sit back and I wait and just let them we've made friends we were bonding and then I'll sell lean forward and I will say for I bet you've seen some funny things driving the traveling public around and they'll say yes ma'am I really have at that point sometimes they will tell me a story it may be funny it may be not hey just using my time and I sit back and I just wait and then I come back up again and I say what's the funniest thing that you've you've seen happen driving into public around and then they'll tell me and you get some stories sometimes for example got in the cab in Greenville South Carolina go into the Greenville Spartanburg Airport got in the cab and immediately as we got out on the four-lane road not the interstate I said how long you been driving a cab and he said 17 years and then he said I could write a book I reached on down and got out of tablet and I said I bet you have seen some funny things driving people around he said oh yes ma'am I really have and I sat back I felt so smug and I said do you recall what's the funniest thing is he says I I can recall it right now ma'am I know exactly what it was it was that time I had a hog as a fare I got out my pencil I said you had a hog as a fare like a big pig he said no ma'am I'm like a huge pig I said was your back seat open and he just was running along the road and jump do you know what he said no as an explanation for it he said man needed to get his hog down to Cowpens South Carolina to his brother and his truck had trouble and they had been working on it for hours the Hogs rooting around back there and they finally found out they're just gonna have to tow the truck and the tow truck driver said I don't know I'm not going liabilities hold hold of that whole around so he said the only thing they need to do is get a cab and see if they take it down there and I was up and I figure a fare is a fare we got the whole out of the truck with no trouble but getting him in the back seat was tough put his little paws up against the door one was pushing from the rear of the hall the other ones pulling from the front I said I hope you got the pulling party so I got to pull apart and finally he almost just popped on into the back seat and stumbling around got up on the back seat it smelled awful so I rolled down all the windows a little bit and then I realized the hog can put his snout out the window at passing people people passing him on this side over here and look and go oh my gosh there's a hole right there he said after a while we had to come to a stoplight and I stopped and a woman pulled up on the other side and started banging on the side of her car screaming hey hey you got a hole getting you back safe oh-ho and he said playing along I said what man you got a hole in your backseat H a WG uh-huh I said would you do that again he said no no I don't gonna do it again no I don't want any more hogs in my backseat and I said he messed up your cab didn't it he said no ma'am I'm not the one it at all hogs don't tip and then letting you know what a sharp guy this was and with a sense of humor he caught my eye in the rear view mirror and said but ladies do [Applause] you [Applause] you