Jay Leno Vents About Flying on The Airlines, on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 08/07/1987

Jay Leno Vents About Flying on The Airlines, on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 08/07/1987
#johnnycarson #jayleno #thetonightshow

Video Script:: 

[Applause] I'm talking of course of the anvil headed Jay Leno now since you're gonna be here on kind of a regular basis I'd gonna cut down on your travelling no I still flying I'm gonna be out four or five nights a week doing yeah that's you try the jokes out in the road then you bring him back here you do my Monday no are you on the run when I travel the summer they give me over which I've never gotten before the extra my legs are free what is that I'm on the Delta one the frequent survivor program [Laughter] [Applause] I mean they had another incident last night with some plane landing at the wrong Airport it wasn't Delta that was it well whatever it was they were going into the wrong Airport and someone should know Harry no what they do following the railroad tracks or something you know a lot of this is deregulation because you have you know you have people flying it was $80 you have people flying now he used to hitchhike or cling to the bottom of trains together people with goats and chickens you know it used to be sophisticated but I remember the old days we knew would fly halfway through the flight the pilot would come out and he would walk down the aisle now now it's like running the gauntlet you know he walks out people but you know Delta some problem well they still have the best safety record I think I yeah I think of all the airlines but you see even in the slogans you know it used to be Delta the airline run by professionals not I think two years ago on to Delta we're ready when you are right the new slogan this is one they've been using Delta we get you there [Laughter] today ready when you are like that that's the one that you can have the one that amazed me was this one this near-collision with the Continental one I mean the only two planes in the sky they came within 50 feet of each other you know you put 10 horses in the corral they run around though they don't bang into each other there's a lot of space up there oh yeah well so the worst of the commuter one I have flown those like you if you play small towns oh boy this without putting any of them down you don't know that in Minnesota I once had to fly to Minnesota and I called and they said you go on gopher Arabic oh no nothing that is the Minnesota happens to be the gopher state and I had forgotten and I said I don't want to get on any plane named gopher I mean that's it that's go for airlines that's the thing you know those are the kind of airlines and when they do crash you only hear about a none cable as a mass grave a little headstone nobody really they thought so little of themselves no one really cares you know you want to go down an American something something's gonna make the papers go for airlines yeah Oh God are you a good flyer are you I don't mind it you know I think if the pilots gonna go down with me you know what does I know I'm taking him with me I'm dead you're dead not the way to look at that's my attitude you know the commuter one it's not that this so bad it's just that they make you know so many stumps yeah you know most the time it's not even regular stops just the kind of stops so like the pilot control the plane to his friends I flew one boy what was the one coming I don't want to name but boy this was like stepping in the hole of some kind of flying slave ship this thing bodies piled all the pilots are lined up in a terminal it pumping caught into the insurance machine that's bad when you see the pilot you know my biggest fear I always get stuck in that stupid middle seat you know like three there two and then three on the other I get stuck between the screaming baby with diarrhea and the octogenarian with halitosis without like the three ages of man winning [Applause] or neutral in sales - Texas and god forbid god forbid you get snuck on the plane with nothing to read you're forced to read that in-flight magazine this is edited by the same people that do highlight should you find your dentist's office that's it and they always make that announcement feel free to take this complimentary copy home that's okay I'm not gonna be wrapping any fish today I'll put that next in the Encyclopedia Britannica when I get on a lot of good stuff there okay don't do this we'll be right back and fly trans degree you