Comedy Spot Video with Phyllis Diller from The Carol Burnett Show

Some stand-up from Carol’s dear friend, Phyllis Diller. They used to make the rounds together during their early days in New York! About The Carol Burnett Show While there’s no truth to the rumor that “CBS” ever stood for The Carol Burnett Show, for eleven seasons and 278 episodes, this star-studded extravaganza of sketch comedy, song and dance became entertainment central for the network and TV viewers. Burnett operated in a relaxed theater setting that allowed her to take questions, cut loose with her famous Tarzan yell and join fellow performers Harvey Korman, Tim Conway, Vicki Lawrence and Lyle Waggoner to have a laugh or sing a song. The show received 25 Emmy Awards and eight Golden Globes, making it one of the most honored shows in television history.

Video Script:: 

it's a real kick for me to introduce this lady to you because I've known her for many years we used to make the rounds together in New York when neither one of us had a job we'd have coffee together and cheer each other up and it's a well it's a thrill because she's one of the nicest ladies in show business and one of the funniest my dear friend miss Phyllis Diller [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you how do you like it it's all made of tails the animals got away the only thing worse than not having anything to wear is to have nothing to put it on I showed this to Fang and I said you never tell me how I look he said why start an argument I said Fang you know nothing about fashion have you seen the latest thing in men's clothing he said yeah women would you believe I'm turning gray not my hair my skin there used to be a television show named after my skin rod I asked my neighbor if she could take me to a good beautician she said did you say you Titian or magician so she took me to her salon and I asked the operator what was the first thing that we ought to do and he said notify next of kin but he did say that I have inner beauty well actually what he said was I admire Gus [Laughter] most women have a vanity table with me it's a humility count the only woman in the world who makes me feel a little better about the way I looked his fangs sister Captain Bligh if it weren't for her Adam's apple she would have no figure at all she traveled in Indian she laid down on a bed of nails fell through and I travel downtown yesterday got and got into a terrible mess a cop asked me to pull over to the curb how did I know which one he meant there - I was lucky though there were only 12 cars involved and only the day before I backed over the mailbox drove through two hedges ran through the kitchen and then and I lost control of the car my last car wash cost me $100 I hit a fire hydrant but of course I'm taking driving lessons one day I carried a stop sign for 10 blocks and the teacher said well why didn't just stop I said the sign was moving I said I didn't know you had a stop for a moving sign fact I told him it was going faster than I was he says how do you know it was in front of me wasn't it those driving instructors make me so nervous I spend more on deodorant than they do on gas and then just the other day Fang accused me of being immature just because he saw me rolling a hoop down the sidewalk I just didn't have the heart to tell him that's all that's left of the car do you know that there isn't a doctor in the world who will make a house call at night the other night my doctor told me should take two mornings and call him in the aspirin my idea of diplomacy is a hostess who can convince a dinner guest that caraway seeds have legs of course whiskey has always been fangs favorite all-purpose medicine he cried for three days when they discovered penicillin in fact he once crossed a moon with a cow to try to get a milk with a kick in it fangs big question about life is can a man over 50 find happiness with a twelve year old bottle of scotch his breath is so bad I wish there was some way to stop it if he's so insecure he had pockets made in his skin so he'd have someplace to put his hands when he's undress [Applause] in desperation I asked my psychiatrist how I could get rid of fangs split personality he said get two divorces Fang tried to leave me once he didn't get too far he was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident but I knew very early that our marriage was in a lot of trouble I knew it on our first wedding anniversary he gave me luggage it was packed my mother darn near suffocated [Music]