Bob Hope Brings Laughs on The Tonight Show Video Starring Johnny Carson

Bob Hope Brings Laughs on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 12/12/1974 #johnnycarson #thetonightshow #bobhope

Video Script:: 

it's always kind of nice when bob hope comes to los angeles for one of his recent stopovers because we usually get him on the show uh he moves more than anybody in show business you think you travel uh bob will be at the pan american arena in las cruces new mexico for a scholarship benefit and this sunday december 15th his christmas special will be on nbc at nine following bing crosby and in between jobs he's managed to get a book published called the last christmas show would you welcome mr bobo [Music] did he want sugar i don't i don't really what it is no you have all my sponsors there that audience is so nice they're still applauding my monologue when you walk out sensational you're so loyal you're wearing your christmas tie already huh that's right what's up very beautiful you look very sharp tonight i'd never said a thing like that to you and i wouldn't say you're how many flies do you have i was listening with your wife back there you know she's so amazed she didn't know that she said she prepares your clothes and you only have one i'm not going to pass any remark on that i wonder what actually happened to me at a command performance i don't know what i told you did you do the command performance with the lawrence olivier and the british stars in 1947 at the odion theater in leicester square and after the show we went downstairs into the lounge waiting for the king and queen you know the you know the late king queen and we're standing there and saying how did we do you know at the show and everything and i got i got tails on and uh there's a montgomery robert montgomery loretta young alexa smith craig stevens and all the british stars at the other side and all at once they said here they are see we all straighten up like this units we're all straight and olivier is right across the mini wind and the king and queen are right here for a moment i thought that was part of murder i thought that was protocol maybe you know i've never never met the king and queen i wouldn't want to get those kind of laughs you know there was a uh there was a leader in flushing at the rko house that was a stock thing with him you know how the first show right and when i was there i was showing my act and this catch used to do it to everybody you'd get out there and you say hey a funny thing happened to me and you go break up your routine and walk back and go and everything was cool just everybody and start from there you know have you traveled more this year than than last year i really had oh i got them i got a line for you yeah i was in hayes kansas you know where that is hayes kansas is where the university of kansas has a branch it's like santa barbara here for you right university county i rehearsed the show and uh i said where's the best place to eat the guy said dave's steakhouse so i went down there and it was one of those restaurants when you're in there man you're wide open there's no boosts or anything and you're sitting right and you're a target you know somebody didn't like to show they could stab you right there and you know who would talk in haze but finally after signing a few autographs the waitress i was just about to leave she said you have to say hello to the cook and i said i only play the big room she said no but you have to because he owns the place that's dave so on the way out i opened the door i said hey goodbye y'all he rushed up to me with a with an apron on and a t-shirt you know with the menu on it the whole thing and he said hey when you get back to johnny carson's show you tell him it's so windy here in hayes kansas that we have white caps in the toilet never thought i'd hear the day when dave would be the hit of the show do a monologue out here nothing dave from the steakhouse i went to the auditorium and you know that was a pretty big laugh and even the hayes camper they know it was great they must have writers in the back room they're hiding things you hear do you get that you get to they throw jokes at you every place yeah they do it me you know i down in texas you know they got the aggies which are really the texas the egg [Music] one guy said you know how the aggies would have handled watergate i said no he said the same way [Laughter] okay you and her butts are going to do it again huh any beautiful earl butts they're fitting him for a lightning rod now oh the pearl you know the earl knew he was in trouble when they summoned him to the white house and he saw a black smoke coming out he used to be secretary of agriculture now he's a pillar of salt but we don't mind that too all right how about the book here the last christmas show is it the did you have a book too what is this book night yeah did he have a book that's a beautiful thing you did there it sounded like force lawn when you did that it was beautiful beautiful i loved it until you came to that part with a gal with his hands with our back yeah and i thought it was wilbur that was pretty it was pretty we have to take a short break here then we'll come back and uh all right we've got some outtakes from your special i understand things i got a few things that you will not see tomorrow and i'm using this audience for the monologues did they tell them oh you got a great night don't go away don't go away you got a wonderful night for it i need to do my money are they great out there oh you'll love it couldn't have picked a better night bob we'll uh we'll take a short break we'll be right back um this is not just about the last christmas show you did overseas but this is the whole story of about the last 30 years of entertaining uh servicemen all over the world should be fascinating yeah the last christmas show and this will be one of the few years that uh you know you're going to be uh five languages already in there and they translated into english right after i finished it i copied a few of the one-liners you use now in the book in 1950 20 24 years ago see how they work here would you rather have ed read it i heard your mind but seriously folks ah but i want to tell you but i want to tell you bobo christmas tour in 1950 talking about les brown's bands we had a little trouble with the band while the medics were giving shots for the trip they kept going back for seconds one two three four we had to bring the band back to tokyo it was time for their annual bath look these are 24 these are 24 this is 24 years ago yeah right right did you how do you manage to remember do you would you ever keep a diary well pete martin you know uh went around that and talked to about 40 people everybody went on the trip and then he came back to me and we sat in front of a mic and he threw all these questions at me and of course the thing writes itself you know because we we have so many notes and betty lanigan and bill faith and all the people are with us they they remember different incidents and then we patch it all together was there any one of the trips it was uh any more memorable than yeah i think so i think the one we did with england and north africa in 43 because we experienced something that i wasn't looking for and that was a lot of bombing you know where i dove into the ditch ahead of langford and things like that some other heroic adventures you know but we were bombed in berserky and we were bombed in palermo and it's in the book i tried to get under the bed i didn't know where they get to between the spring or the mattress or oh because they were bombing daddy and i was just laying there saying my whole life passed before me and actually it was my lunch but [Laughter] but it was something else and ike we saw ike the day the next couple days later in algiers he said uh i understand you've been a couple of bombers i said yeah it's not my racket he said well don't worry about it here he said hell we haven't had a bombing here for four months you know and that night about three o'clock wow wow i got peppers knocking on my door said hey get francis langford this is it and i got it we went down to the wine cellar the letty hotel which you were using for a bomb shelter and i'm sitting there you know with no seat belt just sitting there and they're going boom boom boom boom which made the whole thing we didn't even know he's in the country you know what the hell are you doing here well i'm with the unit too where do you sit right there buddy and the whole room without you bumping your mom and the thing finished after about an hour and a half you know it was all clear and we went upstairs and quentin reynolds we met them the day before and clark lee and h.r knickerbocker and steinbeck went to their room to talk about the thing they never got out of bed they slept through the whole thing i said wait a minute you don't get up for a bombing he said what's the difference if you're going to die die in bed so i'll know if we ever now have another war that's stay in your ceiling of course a wine cellar isn't a bad place to be during a bombing either no not at all because the whole hotel lands on you like that boom and at the undertakers they slipped you under the door you know number five we'll take a short break then we're gonna have some outside here's the sunbeam shave master shaver and groomer you