Having Kids Makes You Older. Bill Boronkay

Having kids makes you older, good thing Bill Boronkay doesn't have

Video Script:: 

Do you work out yes you're 20 you don't need to well I don't we get older still try to work out but it's tougher because we got more responsibilities got to be smart about it working in our day like today listen I didn't have to go to the gym this morning cuz at the hotel it took the stairs dude I took the elevator I'm like come on I'm not training for the Olympics the point is we get older but and really don't feel you know like you you feel all you do kind of look at really you guys we laughing after the show we're out on Center Street and I'm getting a beat-down from Bob Barker it's tougher weird because like one reason I don't feel old as old is because like in my age and a lot of folks before similar ages is I don't have kids you know we're gonna have a battle yeah look guys I see a bunch of guys our parents and your life technologists on your faces yeah you got that look of shattered dreams I never wanted kids but this is what I learned as a non-parent all of society is geared towards you parents it really hit me there was a short time worked in an office and that's when I realized that having a kid is pretty much the only socially acceptable way for you to cut out of work early every stinkin day every day hey Bill can you finish these gotta run tee-ball cutting out early bake sale not coming in tomorrow juvenile court it's a big decision like I didn't you know like even in this day I don't know if I add that paternal instinct so I look for signs and this just happens like a month ago but it's sticking with me alright so I'm switching planes in the Baltimore Airport right now I look dead to my gate and I saw a lady holding a puppy yeah I got all excited I got a little closer like ah it's just her kid all right get done being offended let's break this down like adults are you ready puppies adorable ducklings you don't see them a lot when you do really cute kids I'm not even a cat person come on they're irresistible a newborn no they get the big guys are always kind of wet and gooey it's kinda like et it's like a sticky et I'll come clean I've never actually held a newborn but pears tell me when they're fresh you can still kind of mold their heads and that sounds really cool right here still listen will you do this for lemon you do some stuff up top to figure out where the line of the crowd is so you know not to cross it you guys you're lying is like this maybe I like kids more bad a more normal childhood and Chou's fine suburb middle-class not gonna whine about there's my parents are immigrants came over from Turkey and that parlor with so many cultures overlap that people grow up speaking multiple languages to get this my dad speaks four languages my mom seven yeah you can imagine how proud they were when I took two years of German in high school brought home straight DS though they cussed me out four weeks at least I think I did I couldn't understand it but they say once you learn a second language only mores easier and the proof is my mom didn't know English when they moved to America she taught herself by watching television that's amazing yeah [Applause] until you realize what was on I coming off the school bus as a kid mom I'm home she comes down the steps dynomite there was a show would you me water we got Nick at night shut up old man I'm the baby of the family analyst he on this baby the family yeah everyone tells us that the sweet spot it's the only the sweet spot if your oldest sibling does their job who's the oldest sibling where you're the oldest what was your job as the oldest take care of everything no that's why your brothers and sisters hate you any youngest would tell you your job is the oldest is to be a complete delinquent to be awful break down mom and dad so by the time the youngest comes along they've thrown on the towel and given up listen we had your hand-me-downs parachute pants you owe us promise both my older brothers absolutely perfect straight-a students all that stuff so by default that made me the problem child which meant mom had to find a way to keep her eyes on me so she became the cool mom and I don't care how cool any of the moms think you are your teenager does not want you around that bunch she was there so much senior skip day invited everyone over for breakfast we're getting ready to leave she hops in the car shotgun my buddies were so used to it they didn't flinch like come on bill so grab some beer she's all what you talking about Willis [Laughter] this is good writer this is kind of cool because most you guys are all coupled up and I'm standing in the front of the room all alone I know it's kind of like prom Thank You awkward laughter now it's exactly like rock hey did you know Drybar we've got that's right you can download it on your phone and then you can watch entire specials I mean I like mine the best but you can watch others if you want no no watch mine get it on your phone now