Buddy Hackett's Duck Joke Has Everyone Rolling on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson

Buddy Hackett's Duck Joke Has Everyone Rolling on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson Airdate: 08/27/1987

Video Script:: 

I should really put you on a spot well because you'd never say no to me about anything and you might have told Martina no to come up to the tennis but I think next year you ought to come up to the Aspen the Aspen Club and do that it's for the charity no wonder she's got it she's got a charity for children and the mental health I wanted I wanted to come there I just go up and something else that weekend right we had something there now you got a year notice okay would you come if I'm sure that's it Martina John will be there next year that leaves me out anyway I've been hornswoggled folks anyway I'm a three story animal story animal stories yeah okay the first one of the guy is driving a car and he's going about 40 miles an hour and he looks out and there's a chicken running alongside the car and he looked you don't believe a chicken and he goes a little fast and he looks the chicken got three legs you know he hits 55 he don't go more course they hadn't passed the law yet at certain places I can go 65 55 the chicken shoots in front of him touching fun durka runs up an alley this is also farmer stories yeah yeah he runs up they out guy turns around goes up the other farmer standing with a bib overall it's can I help you he says yeah a chicken with three legs was gone so fast that he pierced my car wound up in your alley he says I know that that's my chicken I raised three legged chickens he says why did you like the drumstick I do does your wife like the drumstick she does or perhaps you have a guess maybe and comes over like the drumstick gee I never thought of that how do they taste he says we don't know we never caught [Laughter] yeah a woman from the city goes to the country and she's out of firm this is animal story I understand that with a farmer thrown in okay got it okay and she says to the farmer well why doesn't that cow have any horns he says ma'am there are many reasons what cow don't have horns now some are hornless breed like angus air horn let's bring some to get old we've been milking them and after a while they get sensitive to the touch and they don't like it and their horns they can be a little rambunctious we cut the horns off it's no pain to the animal and someone had just calves we don't want up that horns and we put a few drops of acid with a horns hood for me there are no one but the reason that that cow don't have any horns is because it's a horse [Laughter] see that had an animal and a farm very good account combination joke okay this guy is hunting for ducks he's not the farmer and he's not the duck is the animal all right shoots a duck the duck fall a lot of you people want to conserve ducks and you worried this isn't it's only a joke the duck didn't really die and your conservationist I'm sure you're all pure vegetarian and don't eat meat or anything like that and you're so worried I hope a butterfly flies up your nose in your choked again just a passing thought and I hope afterward the butterfly escapes so go right in your brain and yeah I can't think of anything but wedding so now this guy shoots a duck and it falls and hits a barn and goes into a guy's yard this guy getting climbs over the fence and he goes into the yard and he's trying to get this duck and this farmer come out big guy bigger than the guy with the chicken figure he says what are you doing in my yard he so I come to get the duck he's that's my duck it's not your duck this is my yard that duck fell hit my barn Lana yes but that's not your duck I shot the duck I've been out hunting for a couple of days give me a break you know I'm from the city you're from the city well you don't understand about property do you it's my property it's my duck however I'll give you a chance at the duck we can settle this country style this is country style he says yeah well how do you how do you settle a country style is how I kick you in the groin the veteran oh and then you kick me in the groin and we take turns kicking each other in the groin who's ever left keeps the duck the guy said well if that's what I gotta do the farmer says I go first and he holds off [Applause] [Applause] about half hours past and he says been a farmer well I guess it's my turn and the farmer says oh you could have the duck [Applause] that is this time I ever see a duck that is a drink that's it god it's a funny story you yeah oh yeah all over it's so nice but not a new suit wasn't it worth it wasn't it worth it for that laugh a lot more than you pay for these shows [Applause] [Applause] you