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The Family Video: Eunice Splits from The Carol Burnett Show


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Added by Mel in Variety Comedy


Eunice catches Ed going to a massage parlor and tells Mama she’s moving in with her, which is not received well…





Video Script:: 

Oh Ernie what am I to do that could be my child on that snow-covered mountain top usually what the hell you doing here at this hour I know I should have called first but I just couldn't stay in that house another minute well they don't fret about it what's the matter something wrong well yes mama I would say something was wrong I have left in forever oh don't be ridiculous Eunice you two just had another little fight you got yourself a little bit more upset than usual that's all no this time it is for good you see what happened was Marybeth Pickens called me a few weeks ago to tell me that she had seen it in a certain locality well I didn't believe her I thought she was just making it up cuz you know how spiteful Marybeth Pickens can be well then this morning she called again if she brought it up again and I said to her I came there Beth Pickens you just put your money where your mouth is and you prove it so she comes by my house and I get in her car we drive down to his hardware store it's open till nine o'clock tonight you know we parked across the street well first thing you know out comes in around six o'clock leaving the store in charge that stupid Mickey Hart so I followed it and are you listening to me are you watching that damn TV and sorry Eunice but it's right at the finish all three of these women have got a illegitimate baby that they've given up for adoption and one of them is the mother that baby stranded up there on a snow-covered mountain top and I'm just about to find out which one Diaz its roots Romans very much here for two and a half solid hours suffering you're all kinds of damn commercials just so I find out which one of them women was the baby's real mother just so you can come in at Clarion they ruin it for me my husband oh don't be ridiculous Eunice where are you gonna live well right here with you where else now Eunice there is no need to make a hasty or rash decision just like that let's sit down talk about it come here daughter talk to mama tell me what it could possibly have done that is so terrible he went to a massage parlor whoo so what's wrong with that baby had Crick in his neck oh mama would you wake up and smell the coffee don't you know what goes on in them places I mean they get massaged by these young girls in togas or less and lord knows what goes on in there it's me always here apparently not enough so it's my fault again huh it's always unisys fault so what it did say when you told him you saw it nothing I didn't see him believe you me I was gonna let him have it the minute he walked through that door and then I got the feeling I never won't lay eyes on that he'll please bang again just left him a goodbye and farewell note and hot tail and over here in a taxi excuse me ma'am oh hi there I just thought I'd mention to you about the fair few didn't know about you mom I left my purse at home would you lend me three dollars and some odd change what do you think I'm made of money I don't even know if I've gotten you money around here I happen to be on very tight budget budget budget booth that's her middle name budget it's kind of catchy got a little peace and quiet and somebody comes Bardon through the door screaming for money oh we're gonna make a dip in you my daddy used to always say something when I'd get upset about you know like the kids wouldn't let me play kick-the-can with them or time I left my home in Pigeon loose he didn't come home well he'd say he'd say when you feel bad just say be gone bad feelings I will have no more of you go back to your native nothingness say fiddle-dee-dee ho-hum do little hippity hop I'll try to take that to heart alright just how much is it you won't exactly Oh $3.75 375 from her ass over here how did you to come by whit Kentucky third straight there change here if you do need that just what are you plan on doing for a living you ain't only had but one job in your whole life over at Woolworth's waiting up peanuts think about that while I'm living here just give me a chance will you all I know if I as I have taken the first positive step forward in a new life that's why my daddy used to say take one step at a time daddy's advice I'll ask for it and that's another thing you just I don't know if it's such a good idea the two of us living here together I mean we're both very set in our ways you know what you mean is you don't want me here Neddy you left off County 25 cents no you are more than welcome to stay for an attitude well no thank you ma'am you can just forget it Oh ma'am I could be out picking up some other bears these days grab the money and run no how do you do may I help you nice day turn brain just a minute I'm going with you you're gonna take me over to Mary Beth Pickens house well it's Mary Beth Pickens would she be able to pay your fare oh yes she's give it to you with an open heart it's here mama take care of money I won't stay in this house where I'm not welcome another 10 seconds I'm sure glad I found out what you're about even though it took me last time Eunice will you cond explain to me what meaning if any is in this note I hope you had a pleasant afternoon at the quote store unquote you will never see me again d you I take it re will you please go away was I supposed to be someplace other than the store this evening this evening oh not this evening maybe four weeks maybe four months while your devoted wife and two babies we're at home thinking you was working at the store oh brother I must be driving the getaway car for the Matthew gang here I'll didn't even know about it does the name roland pleasure palace strike a chord with you that you think that I was assumed you didn't well what would be the good you wouldn't believe me anyway would you you never believe me that's what this time I came prepared with a Dean here keep quit whore down that front door like that the neighbors are gonna think I'm running the massage parlor I think I'd rather have that money mama promised me that you brought that war on Mickey Hart here to town like this oh hi miss Higgins nice to see you again here this are you're looking bright as a button goatee mother Harper me and quit hollering at me I'm not the one that is death you squirrel head hey I don't believe I met you yet oh how you do I'm Harold very camp nice to meet you mr. squirrel head do you lose something here yeah need about two dollars and eighty-five cents more or dime over here I asked Mickey to come home with me Eunice cuz I thought you'd join us in a carefree game of hearts and what did we find this note well I don't know what kind of beat gotten your bonding units but I thought I'd just better bring Mickey along here tonight to tell you exactly where I was this evening let's go ahead tell her Mickey right the chief and I was in the store until closing time which is at nine o'clock he did not go nowhere at no time or duck out oh he did not say duck at around six o'clock for an hour or so no around that time he was busy as a beaver he was stacking sorting and sweeping I saw him go into the massage parlor jigs up I know what you mean Eunice yeah I did go out about 6 o'clock to get a newspaper remember Mick yeah why not and then I took a little stroll to kind of um cramp my legs my leg got all cramped up and I was kneeling down rearranging those light dimmers on the bottom shelf by the way if we gotta get those light dimmers on the upper shelf and I mean they're a hot little item now I'm making note of that she had light dimmer on-off Rochelle millennial who I did go by this gordy looking place and I thought I'd stop in there and asked where the nearest new span was and is that what she went in there for is that what you say huzi looked at you and said why you little rascal this is the second time you've been in here this week where were you anyhow right behind me what business is it of yours if I did go to a massage parlor I mean what what's wrong with it it's a sin you have lobster immortal soul and you're gonna fry in him a man has to have some emotion and laugh Yunus he was trying them single bars for a while but Thank You Mickey I don't need your health no more well let me tell you something at Higgins you have lost me well good riddance but this is almost too good to be true maybe you'd be a good idea if we went our separate ways Eunice yes sir I can hardly imagine the thrill of walking into my own house without cringing oh you get out of my way you seem hard to find that you dare lay dead keep the honks you're gonna need for you and the boys she gonna have the house I hate it besides I'm gonna be a single man on the loose I just need to furnish room like Mickey's guys watch a something don't take your clothes over to that ultra clean laundry they lose the buttons arm and everything neither mama I keep them furnished apartment would suit me and my boys just don't be a jerk Eunice take the house the apartment building this town's gonna take you with them two monsters besides apartment bitten Hartman buildings are expensive and you ain't never gonna get a job can't you for once ever see something in your life that's hopeful you know miracles do happen please round southeast part town the other night and I was gonna turn there at 6th Street and I did turn at 6th Street when I really should have turned at 8th Street because I was on my way down there to the donut hut you know we all night well the way I got 36 and somehow another some low low voice right inside me said turn left here on 6 unis trust me on this one don't listen to this jackass I mean miracles might happen to some of them Shepherd's over there and in foreign countries that ain't got nothing but time on their hands but they do not occur in this neck of the woods and if you're nuts enough to run out on your meal take it to get everything you can out of it don't you forget about child support and although he need them yeah well Eunice and the boys can have half everything I'll make well hell that's nothing you barely make ends meet now Eunice you're getting it all except for the $10 now and then that it throws the way at that massage parlor it's the only 750 who's getting a raise it's time we cut out all this nonsense mad if you take a furnished room you're gonna get as buggy is your stooge there you ain't go baby to be you're not gonna be able to Ford eating out and you ain't never gonna find another girl dumb enough to marry you you tried living on your own you're gonna die of starvation with an open movie magazine sitting in your lap two of you go on home let me watch the TV well I guess that little spice over say yeah you love words want to be alone I can get a taxi or something don't be silly Mickey I'd be glad to drop you off home and the man said he would take a taxi why should we go all the way across town just drop him home man happens to be my friend you don't turn your back on your friends you turn your back on your wife barber some got 550 [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]


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