Toilet Tissue from The Carol Burnett Show (full sketch)

Never take your toilet tissue for granted!

A housewife (Carol Burnett) returns home after running some errands. She finds that her entire family has deserted her because they don’t like the toilet tissue she purchased.
About The Carol Burnett Show
While there’s no truth to the rumor that “CBS” ever stood for The Carol Burnett Show, for eleven seasons and 278 episodes, this star-studded extravaganza of sketch comedy, song and dance became entertainment central for the network and TV viewers. Taped before a live audience at Hollywood’s CBS Television City Studio 33, The Carol Burnett Show featured clever, dazzling production numbers in an intimate environment, thanks to strategic camera placement that brought the actors and audience closer together. Burnett operated in a relaxed theater setting that allowed her to take questions, cut loose with her famous Tarzan yell and join fellow performers Harvey Korman, Vicki Lawrence and Lyle Waggoner to have a laugh or sing a song. The show received 25 Emmy Awards and eight Golden Globes, making it one of the most honored shows in television history. TIME Magazine named The Carol Burnett Show one of the "100 Best Television Shows of all Time" and Carol Burnett has been honored with more People's Choice Awards than any other actress.

Video Script:: 

dear mom it's from my son your toilet tissue isn't soft enough so I went to the library forever he's such a card it's from my daughter I ran off with a motorcycle gang that had softer toilet tissue she tried to warn me but I just wouldn't change brands special delivery dear mom it's from my husband mentally I just couldn't cope with our toilet tissue so I quit my job today and ran off with a lady chiropractor the two of us are living now in Arizona working the earth spraying for a good harvest sure it's a simple life compared to what we had but after your time at tissues B Oscar someday perhaps we'll see each other again if not we'll work something else dear mom it's for my neighbors we don't like your toilet tissue mom I stole your money your jewelry and your valuables but I left your toilet tissue the Jolly Green Giant