The Bullfighter from The Carol Burnett Show

Tim Conway as a drunken bullfighter. “The week really times when you’re having a good fly…”

Video Script:: 

there is no sport that requires more precise timing or physical alertness than the dangerous sport of bullfighting the skill of its champions is measured by how close they can come to death itself now here is one of bullfighting 'he's most skilful champions Matador dag Hereford [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] mr. hereford you'll be entering the ring any minute now r-really oh okay all right oh that's right you know it's it is Saturday is Saturday already oh gee boy a week really times when you're having a good flight mr. hereford I don't want to get personal but are you really going into the ring in that drunken condition I hope so I'll try it the other way oh well I understand the idea I guess when you really come down to it it's not easy getting into that ring oh you know it I got 40 steps to go up yeah yeah get all that Adobe all over your knees Tamales I'm in let's get right to the fight itself sir it must be pretty frightening to see a bull come charging at you oh it sure is you know how I must feel when I see two of them - yeah sure on a hot day I see four when I was drinking that cheap stuff I used to see a whole herd of it that's why I could drinking that lighter fluid yeah I was I was wondering uh could you explain a little bit about your outfit well this is your standard bullfighting outfit you got your tight socks your tight pants and your tight vest and then your tight little jacket yeah what does that do well makes my face real read my eyes bug out loud yeah I notice you make exaggerated moves with your cape is that for show no that's to keep the fruit flies off me you get them Bulls in that ring week after week it ain't a play date yeah uh how many how many passes have you made it a bull oh I've made a few of this kind of silly you know so you get a date with one where you gonna take they're in a joint in town I can't help thinking say you're a little heavy to be a bullfighter aren't you exactly how much do you weigh highway a hundred sixty five and ten B 175 but what's the ten on the horn weighs ten pounds the horn yeah I got gored by a bull one time and I had to have an operation and they just left the horn right in there so I 100 before I cut that bull off I ain't almost a ton you talked about trying to get a night's sleep how early those Bulls get up its up rolling over to oh you know say yep how many ears do you have uh - how many do you have have you ever been awarded any ears oh no no I got a hoof one so good can we see it well I don't think so I've been let my hair grow over I see it there yes do you have any particular tricks that you do with your cape well I have one trick I tried out in Tijuana I I take the cape and I wrap it clear around me and then I just turned my back right on the bull ah where do you go from there alright under the fifth row no chance what are those for huh these are bandoleros Oh Bandolero yeah those are the barbed darts you stick into the bull to irritate that's right that's right here did we see you do that well sure I sure how it works see what you do is you wait until the bull comes charging right at you then you hold him like this so he gets almost to you you just stick it right oh boy I can see how that irritated well sir this has been very interesting but I believe it I believe it's time for you to enter the ring now what is the first thing you do what is the first thing you do as you prepare to enter the ring first thing I do is fall on my knees to pray no I just fall to my knees I hear the crowd yelling now oh I was rain oh it's a crowd I suppose though they'll want to see blood yeah well I've never let them down you always lead I always say this but you're you're going into that ring drunk oh whoa [Music] [Applause] [Music]