Every Small Town Needs A Walmart Video. Comedian Ross Bennett

Every small town needs a Walmart, whether it's to buy a log cabin, or an airplane hangar or any other amount of stuff you need, Walmart has it there for you.

Video Script:: 

I'm a New Yorker by the way I'm a New Yorker but I'm not from the New York that you think of when you think of New York I'm not from New York City I'm from a small town in western New York State I call it New York country now where I'm from there's two kinds of guys guys you go hunting and guys ago huntin and do you know that they were seeing hunt ping and hun hunting is for the good of the animals you got to kill some deer in the fall to have enough food for the others to eat in the winter that's pink hello Barry Burton involves liquor and flashlights you're gonna to Lane County Road and you see a sign with a bunch of bullet holes that spot right there stop this truck I'm gonna shoot some no you yield it's funny you tell people you're from New York and they assume it's New York City I was working recently in Iowa I'm working in Iowa I meet this guy he goes where you from a wife from New York has old New York I know all about you big city New Yorkers Ross have you ever been up in the Empire State Building that's presumptuous I mean I'm in Iowa I don't assume this is your tractor and that was funny he asked me what presumptuous men that's kind of presumptuous is one of those words I could not define it but I can give you an example of it I'm in a public restroom with an automatic deodorizer every couple of minutes you hear that little spray that little huh who can I walk in I've been there for less than five seconds that's presumptuous yeah my whole town is about 250 miles west for New York City my hometown is Hornell New York Cornell hor any ll Hornell is a small town just on the outskirts of a Walmart which means I'm a real American cuz real Americans live close to Walmart and it was a 24-hour Walmart that's as good as our life will ever get because we're Americans and sometimes we wake up and we need stuff and that oh boy whoo I'm gonna need a garden hose I can't wait I said I can't wait woman that girl don't hold me back [Laughter] anyone like me sometimes I shop one of these stores I don't know what I need until I'm in the store because I don't shop like my parents my parents were very frugal people when they went shopping they always had a list and they would only buy what was on the list II think when I go shopping I don't have a list I have an hour I just grabbed a cart let's see what happens next thing I'm in the checkout line I look in my cart it's like coming to out of an alcoholic blackout hey I don't know what I was thinking I was just stuff it on need I got like a nursing bra I've got a nursing bra I've got a nursing bra and the canoe and this is my often abandon my shopping cart and don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about they're all over the store dozens dozens of half-full carts this is a little plaques this is where a shopper came to his senses I don't know I don't actually I don't actually live in town I live outside of town I got a couple hundred acres of woodland upon which I built a log cabin from a kit did you did you know that's how you build a log cabin the days of chopping down your own trees and holding them together with beaver dung are over if you want a log cabin where did you go where'd you go where'd you go where'd you go no I don't got a Walmart but to Costco that's right there's a store big bake you walk through the front door can't see the far wall cuz it curves over the horizons I was in a casa not to have bagels here's an airplane hangar giant buildings where they construct enormous airplanes you can buy those on aisle 7 actually yeah yeah I got my house on the internet that's where you get everything I went to log cabin comm look at all the models I got the James Garfield it was a 2-bedroom 1-bath had a mudroom put my house on a credit card they delivered my house unassembled in a giant cardboard box took a week to get the parts of my house out of the box I was so tired I started living in the box but I painted it cuz I'm not white trash right so it's raised better than the live in an unpaid box hey did you know that Drybar comedy has their own app download it right now to watch save and share clips and watch my whole special